I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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