Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
