i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
