Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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