i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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