You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My dick has a subreddit
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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