i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
