peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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