I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
