just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
