worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish you could order shots online.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I love you.
Bad choice
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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