brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
