It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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