"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
