Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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