i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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