He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
