i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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