You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
