toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
