hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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