So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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