Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
