The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
