Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize