you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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