i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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