i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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