A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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