Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize