The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
