lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
