his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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