So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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