Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
