Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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