You smell like a Billy Joel song
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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