drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
