I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize