I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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