Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize