awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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