she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
