she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
