I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
