I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
