i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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