Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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