captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize