they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
