get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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