how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
