awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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