one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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