is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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