I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
