he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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