Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm passing your future prison.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
