Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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