is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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