doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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