Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
