is your mom at the bar?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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