i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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