he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
