problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
