Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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