but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
