yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
