I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize