he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
