dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So many bounce houses so little time
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize