The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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