If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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