she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
