i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we're making bets on your personal life
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
