It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
