And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
