Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
