oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
