You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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