it wasn't lemon gatorade
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
