If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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