eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
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