Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
