96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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