dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
