hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
