The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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