i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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