i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
