What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
