I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
