The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
