I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
