Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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